Hello Best Man! Writing your best man speech is probably your biggest responsibility, and may be the one thing that absolutely terrifies you. Fear not! We’ve got you covered. Below is the basic structure for a best man speech. Use this as a structural guide or copy/paste your favourite sections directly into your speech.


Speech Structure

‘For those of you who don’t know me, I’m [name]. I have been [groom’s] friend for the best part of 1 week, after he approached me on the street and hired me to make this speech.’

‘Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen – Today, I feel like I’m gaining a new sister and losing a brother. It is such a mix of emotions: happiness, joy… relief!’

‘Good afternoon ladies and gentleman. If there is anybody here who is feeling worried, nervous or apprehensive? Well your either me or you just married [groom].’

‘Firstly I’d just like to say I’m very nervous about making this speech. In fact this must be the third time today that I have stood up from a warm seat with pieces of paper in my hand.’

‘I don’t believe in roasting the groom on his special day. Therefore this speech won’t contain humiliating stories about [groom]. Instead I’ll refer only to his loving and generous nature. Thank you and goodnight. (Sit down)’

‘Being asked to be someone’s best man is like being called for jury duty. You don’t really want to do it but know you have to.’

‘[groom] has informed me that the buffet this evening is charged on a cost-per-head basis. So, on his behalf, I’d like to thank the following people for not coming…’

‘It’s been an emotional day……even the cake is in tiers’

‘My parents always told me that if I had nothing good to say about someone, I should just be quiet (sit down)’

‘Apparently, as Best Man, I’m supposed to sing the Groom’s praises and talk about all his amazing qualities. Unfortunately, I can’t sing and I won’t lie’

‘The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get the chance to prove it.’

‘This speech will be a bit like [groom]…….short and not very funny’

‘I am actually a little nervous giving a speech, but I feel comforted by the fact I have actually rehearsed this speech in front of a live audience at the local old people’s home…… I think it went well. They all peed themselves anyway.’

‘I can say in my defence that [groom] and I share a common sense of humour so if this speech is in anyway unfunny, blame [groom]’

‘During the service today I couldn’t help thinking how history repeats itself. I mean it was 25 years ago that [bride’s parents] were sending their daughter to bed with a dummy………and it’s happening all over again today.’

‘Don’t worry, my speech won’t take too long today, because of my throat. [bride] has threatened to cut it if I go on for too long.’

‘Arranging the seating at a wedding reception can be a tricky business. [bride] and [groom] eventually decided to seat guests based on their gifts. So to the guests at the back…thank you for the toast rack’

‘I feel very honoured to be asked to be [groom’s] Best Man. There is no shortage of people with anecdotes capable of crippling him with embarrassment, yet he still chose me!’

‘[groom] is a very popular guy, so when he asked me to be best man, I was genuinely proud. I wanted to do a great job so I got to work immediately by asking many of the people closest to [groom] what they think of him. The very first person I asked put it perfectly “He’s incredibly rude, disorganised and offensive” … and let’s face it…..a mother should know!’

‘I’d like to congratulate [groom] on a wonderful speech, I always knew it would be hard to follow, and I was right…..I could hardly follow a word of it.’

‘I was expecting [groom] to insult me more in his speech which makes me feel bad about the upcoming roasting I am about to dish out on him…..Ah well!’

‘[groom], you have chosen a wonderful woman. [bride] is not only beautiful….she is also kind, caring and sincere. [bride], you have chosen the best of men, [groom] is one of the nicest people I have ever met and I know he loves you with all his heart. Together, you make a beautiful couple and I wish you every happiness for the rest of your lives together.’

‘It has often been said, “You don’t marry someone you can live with, you marry someone you can’t live without.” I feel that in this case, it applies to [groom] far more than it does for[bride]. Among other things, [bride] is [groom’s] alarm clock, personal shopper, and stylist. I think it’s safe to say that [groom] could not possibly have found anyone who would treat him better. And [bride], in [groom], you are getting someone who will always be able to make you laugh, no matter what life throws at you. Even if it’s just laughing at his questionable dress sense.’

‘[bride] and [groom], you two are the perfect couple. You have set an example for us all of what love looks like and I wish you both all the best for the rest of your lives together.’

‘You might be wondering why [bride] and [groom] have had such a long engagement? I know I have been. I can only assume [bride] was using the time to find out if she could do any better.’

‘[bride], you are an amazing woman who deserves a wonderful husband. And I promise you I won’t rest until I get to the bottom of what’s gone wrong here’

‘My first impression of [bride] was that she was such a beautiful, charming, intelligent, funny, friendly and thoughtful person. And when she agreed to marry [groom], it proved to me what I have always believed – opposites really do attract.’

 ‘[bride] has been the driving force when it came to planning this wedding and I think we can all agree that she has done a great job. It’s been a perfect day. All your hard work has paid off, and I must say I’m honoured to be part of the only 5 minutes that you didn’t get to plan!’

‘[bride] is beautiful. She’s intelligent. She’s caring. She can cook like Nigella Lawson and she always puts other people first. [groom], I can say with confidence that you are one of the luckiest men alive. And she writes a cracking Best Man speech as well.’

‘What about the bride then, ladies and gentlemen? How beautiful she looks today. And [groom] has scrubbed up quite nicely too – it’s amazing what a good old-fashioned bar of soap and a face cloth can do.’

‘What can you say about a man who is incredibly kind, generous, compassionate, intelligent, handsome? But that’s enough about me. I’m here to talk about [groom].’

‘[groom] is the kind of guy you don’t need to worry about introducing to your parents. That’s why Linda [bride] wasn’t worried about introducing [groom] to hers this morning.’

So where do I start with [groom]? [groom] is handsome, intelligent, kind, funny, char….cha… Sorry [groom] , I can’t read your writing. You’ll just need to tell me that part later.’

[groom] is the kindest friend I could ask for; a man whose philanthropy knows no bounds. He would do anything for me; in fact, he even wrote this section of my speech.’

It really is impossible to praise [groom] too highly; in fact, while writing this speech, I found it impossible to praise him at all.’

[groom] is probably one of the most humble men I know….even more humble than me! And I’m probably the most humble man in the world.’

‘What can you say about a man who came from humble beginnings and is now at the top of his industry based solely on skill, hard work and determination? A man who is loved by his friends and admired by his peers?……I’ve just signed up for match.com and they ask you to summarise yourself.’

‘There is some unwritten wedding etiquette that states nobody should look more handsome than the groom and while there was nothing much I could do, short of wear a bag on my head, I’d like to thank the other groomsmen for doing such a great job.’

If you see [groom] on the dance floor later on, hunched over like a gorilla trying to scrape something disgusting off the bottom of his shoe….don’t panic…..that’s just how he dances’

‘The stag night was pretty wild…..some of the words he was coming out with on that Scrabble board.’

[groom] has always been a bit of a hypochondriac but I think he learned his lesson during exam time when he took a sleeping tablet and a laxative in the same night. Unfortunately that was the night we had to share a bed.’

‘I decided to look up [groom’s] date of birth online to see what momentous events took place on his birthday. Unfortunately nothing much seems to have happened. Although the nurses on the ward where [groom] was born still refer to that day as Ugly Tuesday!’

**Read any messages from guests who were unable to attend**

“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” – Groucho Marx

“The grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.” – Allan K. Chalmers

“The man who says his wife can’t take a joke forgets that she took him.” – Oscar Wilde

“A man is incomplete until he’s married. After that, he’s finished.” – Zsa Zsa Gabor

“Some women pick men to marry, and others pick men to pieces.” – Mae West

“There is no greater happiness for a man than approaching a door at the end of a day, knowing someone on the other side of that door is waiting for the sound of his footsteps.” – Ronald Reagan

“The most precious possession that ever comes to a man in this world is a woman’s heart.” – Timothy Titcomb, J. G. Holland

“It’s not as great a day for the bride as she thinks. She’s not marrying the best man.” – Anonymous

“It’s a funny thing that when a man hasn’t anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.” – Robert Frost

“Any fool can have a trophy wife. It takes a real man to have a trophy marriage.” – Diane Sollee

“You know you are in love when you see the world in her eyes, and her eyes everywhere in the world.” – David Levesque

‘To the happy couple, may their happiness be complete, their marriage long and prosperous and every wedding speech they hear be funnier and shorter than mine. To [groom] and [bride].’

‘So I’d like you all to charge your glasses and join me in toasting the new Mr and Mrs[surname]. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the bride and groom.’

‘Wishing them all the health, wealth and happiness in the world, I’d like you all to join me in toasting the happy couple. Ladies and Gentlemen, the bride and groom.’

‘Ladies and Gentlemen, will you please join me now in toasting two wonderful people who have everything, because you love each other. Ladies and gentlemen, the lucky couple.’

 

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